Evel Knievel and the Creamy Friend!

"The Last of the Gladiators"

 

After a long absence from the blogging scene, I’m gonna come barreling back with a little slice of classic comic book history. My most recent challenge is to collect the whole run of Jonah Hex comics printed by DC from 1972 to 1985, and not only do these issues feature many terrific wild west she-nanny-guns but also a range of the most unbelievably nutty ads spread through the issues. Along with the usual adverts for other DC comics or beef jerky there is a selection of sales pitches for some of the most wonderful and amazing items available all for less than $5!

Firstly, I would like to introduce to you the Evel Knievel coin collection from Weird Western Tales #31, December 1975. This issue comes hot on the heels and white flowing cape of Mr. Knievel’s October ’75 successful attempt to jump 14 buses at the Kings Island Theme park in Ohio, and so what more could every little boy and girl in America want than their very own ANTIQUE BRONZE COIN with Evel proudly displayed leaping through the air just moments from smashing head first into the ground and breaking another collection of bones! For just $3 you could own the official evel coin, which is “EXACTLY THE SAME ONE EVEL CARRIES WITH HIM”! Now I cant help but think Knievel (“THE LAST OF THE GLADIATORS”!) might have been able to land a few more jumps if he wasnt laden down with bronze coins with his face on. A quick check on ebay reveals that this very coin is available now for just $7.35, so its increased in value more than 200% since he jumped over that rainbow into the big ol’ Intensive Care Unit in the sky.

If you’re a young man about town in the 1970’s, you want to have a quirky gimmick to make you stand out from the crowd, and to catch the eye of the ladies. It may be a pair of jeans with massive turn-ups, you may opt to wear 3-d glasses the whole time, or you may want to go that extra mile and get an unusual pet. While Jimmy on the corner had a scruffy hound dog, you want something sophisticated, quirky, exotic, something that will charm your way into the hearts and knickers of that girl next door. So why not save up £2.98 and buy…

25 live seahorses delivered to your door! Gee Wizz!

That’s right! You could be the proud owner of two mated pairs of seahorses, including one pregnant male who could give birth to up to 25 more of the fuckers! Also included is a live marine snail! It’s just given to you free! How is this possible? More quick research has revealed that seahorses make good pets, but will happily fall down dead at the slightest disturbance, from the wrong food, from a multitude of diseases they catch at the drop of a hat and from being stressed out. But they do get on very happily with marine snails. Just imagine the thrill of opening an envelope full of seahorses, snails and marine diseases! If that doesn’t get you some lady action, I don’t know what will.

For those who fail to pull anyone with the seahorses, or your Evel Knievel bronze antique coin (just like Evel himself carries with him on all his inevitable punishing accidents) then you have to resort to being a peeping tom. So what could make this easier than purchasing the latest in military and scientific technology, X-Ray Specs (yours for $1).

See the bones in your friend's hands as they smash you in your stupid nerd face and steal your lunch money.

This Hilarious jape lets you see the bones in your hands, see through your friends and amaze and embarrass everyone! Particularly your parents, who are utterly appalled that you sprang from their loins. I now quote from the Wikipedia entry on X-Ray Specs: “Part or even most of the novelty value lies in provoking the object of the wearer’s attentions. These subjects, if unable to be entirely sure that the device did not indeed allow the wearer to compromise their modesty, were liable to respond with a variety of amusing reactions.” All this fun for one dollar! I was also surprised to learn that X-ray specs were invented by the creator of that other fun novelty ‘Sea Monkeys’. Who are not monkeys, or ocean dwellers.

Also on offer in Jonah Hex #59 dated  April 1982 are two little gems which anyone would be pleased to receive. Firstly for $2.25 is a Squirrel Call: “Brings them right to you! Hand Operated!”. This ad has a little picture of a relaxed squirrel next to it, standing there waiting to be commanded. Why anyone would want to be surrounded by squirrels is a mystery to me still, but I suppose that sort of thing was all the rage in the 80’s. Finally there is pehaps the most vicious trick of the lot, and the most expensive. For $4.95 you can buy the ‘Avalanche’ Shaving Cream can. “Gallons of foam rush out and you can’t stop it! Foam! Foam! FOAM EVERYWHERE! Ordinary looking 6-oz shave cream can, but one press means one big mess. Nearly Fills  entire bathroom! Unbelievable! GREAT WAY TO ‘CREAM’ A FRIEND, FOE. Water Soluable. Wont Stain.”

After careful consideration I think this is probably the greatest way to cream a friend.

Published in: on January 25, 2011 at 1:49 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I Read Comics, and also like Gagging Blowjobs.

I’ve just found a jolly useful button in my blog profile page that lets me have a look and see what people type in to google or yahoo to find my blog. The results have been rather illuminating.

Search Views
pussys 2
https://georgescomicbox.wordpress.com/201 1
palmiotti 1
reading comics is tedious 1
comic soapbox 1
comic blogs 1
http://www.georgescomicbox.wordpress.co.uk 1
toby pennington illustrator 1
toby pennington illustration 1
gagging blowjobs and anal fucking 1
“i read comics” pose 1
achewood chatsack is real 1
chinook helicopter crash 1
“i read comics and you should too” 1
dirty little secret comic 1
comic you should read 1
comic “my first time “ 1
vicente alcazar 1

I’ve no idea how ‘Chinnok helicopter crash’ links to a blog about drunk cartoon cats. 

But I do like how people who search for ‘gagging blowjobs and anal fucking’ are also into Marvel comics.

You better believe it ladies!

Published in: on July 13, 2010 at 8:25 pm  Comments (1)  
Tags: , ,

The Short-Ass!

UK exclusive sketch by John Romita Jr.

A terrible photo, but a tip-top image from John Romita Jr., the artist behind the Kick Ass comic series. It was the cover for the free magazine Shortlist a few weeks ago, and included here as a UK exclusive image, unseen by those beastly Americans with their hot-dogs and their more up-to-date and entertaining comic book blogs. Up Yours Uncle Sam!

Published in: on April 26, 2010 at 9:19 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , ,

My First Time

I started reading comics about 12 years ago, and today I’ve decided to start writing about them. I’m going to use this blog to chat about the comics I’m enjoying at the moment, do a few reviews of what I’m buying and reading, and discussing the various aspects of the medium.

I can’t remember the first comic I ever read, but I do remember my Granny sending me copies of  Walt Disney comics when I was about 5 or 6. I think she collected tokens for them from packets of tea, because that’s the sort of lady she is. I never had any pocket-money so couldn’t ever buy any books myself, but we had a friend across town who had a subscription to the Beano and Dandy. About every 6 months a massive bag of them would arrive on our doorstep, along with copies of Cosmopolitan for my mum. I used to get excited hoping they might have left the swizzlestick lolly attached to the covers of the Beano. There was never any lollys stuck to the front of Cosmopolitan. Reading Cosmopolitan (or ‘Cosmo’ to us fans) was always good fun because there were adverts in the back showing photos of boobs. Despite the fact I read comics, I’m a very generous and talented lover based on reading their articles on the top ten ways to keep a relationship spicy between the sheets.

Zip forward about 5 years, and I started working in a pizza restaurant (3 complaints from customers for nudity) so I finally had money to buy comics myself. Marvel UK were publishing collectors editions which were thick 78 page comics collecting three american comics in one. I think my first issue was ‘The Avengers United’ issue 15, which had a free poster, which is still on my wall.

If Cosmopolitan had free posters, I would have bought that.

From there I started buying all the Marvel comics I could, and since that point I’ve mainly stuck with Marvel. I think it’s just the costumes look better. And Marvel comics had Captain Britain and Union Jack, while I don’t think I can name a single british DC comics character. (Except Batman’s servant Alfred, but I don’t think he counts, since any real British gent would have told Bruce Wayne to fucking grow up and stop sulking a long time ago).

When I went to University I stopped collecting, mainly since I didnt have the room to keep them, and I now had pubs to hang about in all time. It wasnt untill my final year when I discovered a Forbidden Planet comic shop in Sheffield town center that I started collecting properly again. I think I now have somewhere around 1000 comics and trade paperbacks.

I’ve just had a look at my bookcase, and the general themes I collect seem to be Westerns, Cosmic adventures, Pirates, Vikings and Zombies. And Marvel superheros. My favourite book changes almost every week, but I think my favourite series is ‘The Ultimates’ by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch. I’m not sure what superpower I would like, but I think my costume would probably involve a waistcoat and a bowler hat.